Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Double whammy

Fall had just begun to settle into the tips of the treetops, filtering in a bit of red and gold in the warm green leaves. Ahh my favorite time of the year nights cooling off and crisp air and blue sky. For some reason the sky color in October is always my favorite. Perhaps it is the contrast of the brillant yellows of ginko leaves or the coppery reds of my sweet gum trees against the brillant blue sky. Or it is a time of reflection and renewal in my personal passage of time that I repeat each year. This year was no different than the last few. Summer had been a very buzy time and I was looking forward to evenings with early darkness and a chance to light a few candles and dream of future projects. I lead a very full life and juggle both sides of my brain. I am a CFO for my husband and I's Crane business and am at the computer using the logical math brain most days. Also handling HR and creating a family enviroment workplace. I am very humbled by the fact that we are supporting 9 families in a less than desirerable ecomony. But things are going well and we are very busy. This year we have employees with new babies joining the throng and it adds a new layer to our group.

Then I teach and create with PMC and resin and beads,yarn,fabric and metal smithing and........... So my creative brain kicks in or should I say takes over for this part of me will not be denied it invades my dreams interrups my conversations and fills my every waking moment. I must create I am driven by it and often lose days in the process of creation ( which is lovely, unless I have other commitments which demand all my attention)

The Fall had just begun dates were planned classes scheduled and even studio time penciled in. Jane and I were at Art and Soul in Portland & I had the chance to take a couple of classes before our part in vendor night. And in the evening we explored Portland and our favorite stores as well as several new ones.Then Saturday morning just as I finished dressing after my shower my cell phone rang. I hurried to answer it so it would not disturb Jane. Hello? Then the whammy my brother hardly able to speak cried out our mother had died just minutes ago.

Now my mum had a good life she was 89 would have been 90 in January, her last few years were not great she had dementia and did not know anyone anymore. The last conversation with her and her granddaughter had been the day before. The nurse need help because mum had put both legs in one pant leg and had gotten jammed in. So sweet Cheri had offered to help as she had spend the previous year coming everyday to help grandma shower and dress and get ready for each day. She had just had her first child and it was a bonding experience for each of them. Well with the 2 ladies tugging and pulling they managed to free mum from the pant leg and get her pants on right with the fore amentioned legs in the right place. Cheri turned to her and asked Grandma do you remember me?" Yes" my Mum replied "you are the lady who tried to steal my pants."

So like a mini bomb my life plans exploded and time as I knew it is gone. We traveled to the funeral several states away. I renewed my relationship with several Aunties and cousins shook endless hands collected life affirming hugs and traveled back home. my internal calender has been temporairely misplaced and I have been in a fog of sorts which I am happy to report is begining to lift. My relationship with my mum was not a hallmark card and there have been many scars through out our years but I am a better person because of her and it is time to bury the past and move into the future with my eyes open to the beauty each day offers. I managed to get thru appointments and classes and I am very grateful for all of the prayers and hugs I received. I am also more understanding now of the need for solitude and how healing it can be.

So I am off to create and perhaps nap

tata for now