Monday, August 26, 2013

AUGUST FULL MOON #7 Gwen's Oracle Deck of "What If’s"

I, Gwen, took 2 calligraphy classes from Caitlin Dunden and observed that many calligraphers write on top of water colored paper.  I like using new techniques each moon and was excited to introduce watercolor and calligraphy to my contributions for Little Alters.  I would create for Marilynn only 1 card with the words “What If” and a simple, elegant border surrounding, no flourishes.  Then, I’d provide a story of what if’s that might hide behind it in the space. 

thought it would be fast and simple to make. 
I worked every day on my calligraphy – learning to spend 1 -2 pages on just practicing letters before starting anything.   I stumbled because my body was healing, which meant lots of sleep and not enough time to create.  When I did create, nothing, I mean nothing, would come together like the vision that came to mind.   When the full moon came along with our little alters deadline, and then it went and yet still nothing would come together, I thought, “Should I give up? Should I say Sorry I’m not going to make it. And Cry Uncle?” Not finishing felt like letting Marilyn down.  Even though, there are times when it's really ok to say - I just cannot pull this together, I still felt like I was letting the whole Little Alter's team down.

I had a sense, a teeny, tiny, constant feeling to keep going. Even if all I was doing was to practice my calligraphy.  So, I would pick up the pen and write my what if’s.  If you’re familiar with Abraham Hicks, then you may have heard of the “What If” game, where you dream up your amazing life by asking “what if…” followed by stating a piece of the amazing life you dream of having.  I would like to be there, but I’m not yet in the phase of, “Oh I deserve this awesome life, so I’m dreaming it and I can really see it happen”.  I’m more at the phase of belief/dis-belief.  One my consider it, between cautious optimism and pessimism.  Before I can climb the ladder to enthusiastic belief, I need to explore the previous areas.  Sometimes, when we are low or unable to let go of fear, that means, vocalizing and acknowledging deepest fears.  Other times when we’re not so deep in the world of fear, but not quite yet wearing our rose-colored glasses, that means wondering if it could really happen.  And so, my What If’s live in that middle purgatory or middle earth.
  • What if Amazing Things Happened? 
  • What if he chose me
  • What if I was loved? 
  • What if I let go? (Oh my God I don’t know if I can do that!)
  • What if my dreams came true? 
  • What if I didn’t have to live like this? 
  • What if I could? 
  • What if I did?

One of the days I was writing my what if’s in hopes of creating my final alter project, I fell into deep anger and unhappiness. My What if’s landed in that dark, murky pool of fear and anger.
  • What if I stopped talking? 
  • What if I stopped communicating? Would anyone even care? 
  • What if I didn’t try, didn’t care? 
  • What if it never happened? 
  • What if others stopped pressing their guilt on me? 
  • What if I never made any new friends ever again?
  • What if I never felt happy again?
  • What if I was always angry?
  • What if I hated everyone and everything?

And… that sort of helped break me.  Of course, there were lots of tears – anger, frustration, fear, sadness, loss, humiliation, confusion, and hurt.  Ok. So what if it didn’t get any better than it is right now? Ok. I’m there. And as Reba says, “When you hit rock bottom you’ve got two ways to go, straight up or sideways.”  I skittered sideways for a while. That was ok, but definitely hard.

And then, something magical happened about 4 days after the full moon. 

To continue reading, please visit the rest of the post on my blog: 


  1. Your contemplation is impressive. So few people take the time to contemplate their life, their choices, and the reality that they can change at any point. I have always wanted to learn Calligraphy, however, my handwriting skills are deplorable! My shorthand teacher had to give me an A+ because I was always 100% accurate in transcription but she had a heck of a time reading it! =) Great job and very creative.

  2. Anonymous10:39 AM

    When I received this piece and saw in person and read all of the cards, it is wonderful. The colors are great, the calligraphy is GREAT and I love the little hand. You have done an amazing piece of art GG, thank you very much. Double Hugs, Marilynn

  3. Love the results of all the ink splatters and #$$#@!!
    Very well presented and I love the color backgrounds for each card. Can't wait to see them in their new home spot this January